… you can’t remember the last time you visited the “other side” of the grocery store.

… you measure the time since your last illness in decades.

… you spend more time thinking about digestion than sex.

… you consume your own body weight in less than a month.

… you believe that $5 is a fair price for a 3-oz piece of chocolate.

… you feel confident that you could survive on Gilligan’s Island — and you know you can make a better coconut cream pie than Mary Ann.

… your diet is a combination of the diets of bonobos, cows, and plankton.

… you can identify every item in the produce section.

… the grocery checker has to look up the codes for half of your items; the other half she must ask you to identify.

… you gladly offer to “help out” any friends with fertility problems; they decline because they just want one baby, not a litter.

… you fantasize about a raw foods version of Costco.

… you store produce in your oven.

… you’ve turned down lunch invites for logistical reasons.

… your blender costs more than your car (and has a better warranty).

… you own functional kitchen equipment made of bamboo.

… you weight train by grocery shopping.

… your last remaining addiction is a bean.

… you spell juice fasting with an extra e.

… you don’t believe in pre-detox sex.

… you can make a salad from your backyard, even if you don’t have a garden.

… you know how to cure cancer, heart disease, and diabetes… but no one believes you.

… something in your kitchen is currently underwater.

… you know the difference between raw and really raw when it comes to foods like almonds, tahini, and agave nectar.

… it disturbs you when people start talking about really, really raw.

… you want to try solar gazing soon.

… you refer to the Food Network as the Horror Channel.

… your diet helps restore the hearing you lost from using your blender.

… you call yourself a chef and/or coach even though you’ve never been to school for either.

… you know what Cassandra felt like.

… your first name is an emotion, an adjective, or an insect.

… you shop for clothes in the children’s section.

… your bathroom is devoid of reading material.

… vegans ask you, “But where do you get your protein?” (Some things never change.)

… you qualify potential dating partners based on their level of toxicity.

… your job title begins with the words raw, eco, or alternative.

… your health care practitioner’s job title ends in -path or -ist.

… your crackers cost more than $1 per ounce.

… you meet a breatharian and have to ask, “But where you do get your protein?”

… your breakfast smoothies contain items from six continents, four oceans, and a volcano.

Found this gem and I had to share!

Courtesty of Steve Pavlina :)

Along the way I found out about the Raw Kitchen, a Raw and Vegan cafe in Fremantle. Since I didn’t have much experience in the way of raw food, and my attempt at raw spaghetti earlier this week turned out quite bland, when the opportunity to visit Freo arose today it was first in my list of destinations to visit.

The cafe took a while to find, it’s located in the Piazza arcade on South Terrace and tucked away. The first thing my boyfriend and I noticed was that it was thriving, we ended up sharing a table with another couple so that we could sit down.

We each ordered a slice of the raw ‘pizza’. While we were waiting we had a look at the menu and also ordered the raw ‘nachos’, and a slice each of cheesecake. While the food wasn’t cheap, it wasn’t unaffordable either.

Considering the nutritional value of the food, the cost of ingredients and the fresh produce required, it’s good value.

The only thing I can say about the food was that it was absolutely amazing. The pizza was much better than any vegan pizza I’ve tried, and the nachos were unbelievable. I was blown away – I usually know how to replicate dishes when I try them at restaurants but I was baffled. The cheesecake was decadent and rich – I ordered the chocolate and my boyfriend got the lemon and berry (his was better, mine was too rich).
A warning – the food is very filling. While we ended up spending about $50 total between us, we both felt we’d eaten too much. Remember even their desserts are wholesome and nutritious and should be counted as part of the meal. We could have easily gone without the nachos, which would have brought the bill down to around $35.

I will definitely be revisiting this cafe and definitely recommend it to anyone, whether you’re omni, veg or vegan. It will change your perspective on healthy food.

Raw Kitchen Website

I love a ‘crazy cat lady’ stereotype as much as the next guy (who likes them A LOT – that guy would surround himself with feline-adicted ladies if he could) but this isn’t a story about your average spinster with a whole litter of cats she talks to just a little too often.

Lynea Lattanzio is something of a local hero: she operates a no-cage, no-kill cat shelter (the largest in California!) out of her own property. Her focus is on spaying and neutering (she has her own freakin’ surgery!) and old-fashioned “tough love” education for irresponsible cat-owners.

This should act as a memo to all of you veganimals out there reading this: BUY YOUR PETS FROM SHELTERS! TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO BUY FROM SHELTERS! And GET THEM DE-SEXED! Generally shelter pets are spayed, neutered, have their shots, and they need homes, you guys! ‘Cause I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that not all of them are lucky enough to get to live out their golden years at a Cat Ranch like this one.

End of PSA. Now you can watch the videos, narrated by Jane Lynch, or go and find some YouTube videos of cats.

Well, they’ve put together a clip for their single Ticky Ticky Boom. And it comes complete with new-wave clothes and 80′s dance moves. Good times guaranteed*.

* “Good times” is a subjective term and no refund is offered in case of dissatisfaction with the “good time” you may experience.

Well I think I’ve found a solution. A cute, quirky solution that is a cross between boots and wellies and bubblegum. Enter Melissa VW ankle boots.

Delicious, aren’t they? They come in a range of colours and two styles – either the button design shown above, or with a cute bow on the front as shown in the pictures below. Check out www.melissaaustralia.com.au for more info and for more delicious bubblegum scented shoes. All vegan, all awesome.

PS. these do fit a tad snug, might be worthwhile going a size larger as with wellies, space doesn’t hurt. Either way, the girls at Melissa are happy to do exchanges.

As I was checking the outskirts of Perth while on the train, the sun reflected off of the window and illuminated heaps of scratches dug deep into the plexiglass. I stepped back to get the full image, and it revealed absolutely nothing. Just a bunch of shitty lines that some group of kids probably decided to create on one bored, hot, meaningless day. If you’re going to deface property, then at least do a good job doing it! All of a sudden the best idea in the world came to me… I’ll freaking document Perth graffiti! Anything from the shit scratches on train windows, to the masterpiece murals on abandoned (or not) brick walls. And so my ventures through sketchy alley-ways and under bridges began.

My favourite thing about searching and finding graffiti (actually graffito is the correct plural… which is what I’ll be using for now on) were the outrageous spots which they were either hidden or very publicly displayed. In most cases, the more congested and populated the area, the more concealed and hidden the graffito. I say most cases because of the infamous Heaven Spot pieces. Any piece which is drawn up in a hard to reach area or risks the outcome of one actually going to heaven, is given the righteous name, Heave Spot.

Okay, so here’s the run down on tags, wildstyles, murals, stickers, and any other term I can think of:

Most of the tags (small scribbles) are found on posts, along alleyway walls, on posters, or on street signs. These tags are generally used for territorial purposes by gangs or groups of hooligans, although sometimes they’re just made by some lonely single who just can’t find a lady.

Wildstyle is a term coined for those pieces you’ll see and stand in front of for 5 minutes trying to figure out what they say… and never actually figure it out. They’re my personal favourites because they involve shading, multiple dimensions to create depth, multiple colours, and a whole lot of creativity.

Murals are murals. They can be wildstyle, tags, or just about anything that covers an area larger than your arm span.

Stickers… well you know those “Hello My Name Is…” stickers? Ya, just stick a tiny tag on the blank area and you’ve just created your graffiti sticker!

And well… that’s about it!

Are these pieces art? Hells ya! I don’t care if they deface private property (as long as it’s not mine). They still take time and creativity to make. Now this doesn’t mean that I think it’s right to be going on private property and defacing it, but I can’t help but to crack a little smile when I see an amazing piece drawn up.

Thanks Perth for your inviting graffito exhibit. My stay here has been a colourful one.

My collection of Perth photo’s can be checked out by clicking HERE

Please feel free to contact me for any info, questions, or comments!

Cheer,

Gavin Firkser

lamar328@hotmail.com

On the fifth day of Christmas my inbox showed to me...

Anyway if you’re young and interested, drop me a line at charmedquark @ veganalternativeperth.com.

THE GOOD TIMES ARE KILLING ME, dedicated to drunken nights, shenanigans, turbos, awesome stories, constant illness, forgotten memories, bicycle thievery, sneaking into clubs, the island of Rottnest, getting kicked out of clubs, BNGRS, real hip hop, smooth disco jams, talking shit, wisest wizard, Tooj, uni parties, the friend zone, “would you rather”, passing out, capes, technical difficulties and North Beach.
- Sleepyhead

Tracks & Track Listing »
(right click and save to download)

Midnight Mauraders (mp3, 13.6mb)
Hotter Than Them (EXT Mix)- Kid Foreigner & Bigga Boss
Hercules Theme – Hercules & Love Affair
Lucid Dreams – Franz Ferdinand
Da Funk – Daft Punk
Give It To Me (Instrumental) – Timbaland
Like I Love You (Instrumental) – Justin Timberlake
Acetate Prophets – Jurassic 5

Only Mixed For Disco Linx (mp3, 17.4mb)
Comfy in Nautica (Mr. Devlin’s Jamaica Plain Humpbacks Remix) – Panda Bear
Future – Cut Copy
Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death From Above (Spank Rock Remix) – CSS
I’ll Get You (Ft. Jeppe) – Classixx
Little Scare – Benjamin Diamond
He’s Frank (Ft. Iggy Pop) (The Twelves Remix) – The BPA
Cross The Dancefloor (Chromeo Remix) – Treasure Fingers
Curriculum Vitae – Robyn
Ray of Zdarlight – The Avalanches

Time Out Turbo (mp3, 36.3mb)
Paranoid (LMFAO Party Rock Remix) – Kanye West
Get Buck in Here (Villains Remix) – DJ Felli Fel
What Happened? – Amphibious
Get Money Kids (Malente Re-Dub II) – Pase Rock
Roll It (Instrumental Mix) – Fully Fitted
Heads Will Roll (Dan OH Remix) – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Kicking and Screaming (Bang Gang’s E is for Edit) – The Presets
????
Cheap and Cheerful (Fake Blood Remix) – The Kills
AA/247 (Diplo Remix) – Dance Area
No You Girls (Foamo Remix) –Franz Ferdinand
Mr. Icecream (Dj Waxmaster Juke Mix) – Soft Tigers
Paris is Burning (Automatic Panic vs DJ Cat NYC Remix) – Ladyhawke
Ready For The Weekend (Fake Blood Remix) – Calvin Harris
We Are Ur Friends – DJ Tim Dolla
Keep it Going Louder – Major Lazer

Only Mixed For Disco Linx Pt. 2 (mp3, 21.3mb)
Deceptacon (DFA Remix) – Le Tigre
Disco Kicks – DJ Tuco
Forget My Name (Ft. Hot Chip) (Original Mix) – Jesse Rose
Kilometer (A-Trak Remix) – Sébastien Tellier
Send Him Back (Pilooski Edit) – Pointer Sisters
Sex Machine (Original Mix) – ReSeT!
The Next Episode (Project Cyborg Remix) – Dr. Dre
Racer (DJ B-Stee Remix) – Thunderous Olympian
Sabali (Uproot Andy Remix) – Amadou & Mariam
Breaking it Up (Pocketknife’s Loosefoot Remix, Extended Version – Lykke Li

There’ll be food and refreshments, so head on down for your chance at fame.